In one of my recent coaching sessions, we explored why it is that one negative voice can out way many more positive ones. This frustrating phenomenon, is a natural function of our survival adaptive brains. We scan our environment and hyper fixate on threats (whether perceived or actual) above all else. We all come to our work with our own histories and these shape us, for better and worse. I wrote a chapter in my 2022 book, Leading Mindfully for Healthy and Successful Schools about attachment (something that’s not just relevant to children with trauma) which unpacks how our early experiences shape us[1].
When we step into leadership role, sometimes things that may have served us previously don’t work anymore. Often, the way we respond to stressful situations (and what leadership role doesn’t have some element of stress) are adapted survival responses. These have often emerged in situations where we lack of power and agency. They may have actually served us very well at the time but in positions of leadership we do have (at least some) power.
Therefore, we have to find a way to manage these adapted behaviours. One way is to dismiss our inner voices and instinctual responses but that’s not often not a possible, at least not in the long term. What’s more, these voices when in their proper place can have an important function. Without my imposter syndrome I’d be a lot worse at my job. I’d have less empathy, I would think a lot less about what could go wrong and therefore be less prepared and frankly my arrogance would probably make me unpleasant person to work with.
Instead, if we can get to understand and make friends with our saboteurs, we can work with them. This is a common coaching approach and borrows from the therapeutic discipline of Internal Family Systems. When we start to know ourselves- the different voices that make up who we are- and make space for what these voices are trying to tell us, they conversely run less of the show. Often, they’ve had a protective survival function and just want to be heard and by noticing where they show up we can mitigate their negative effects.
Following on from my piece earlier in the week, I am a real advocate of leaders using tools to support their reflection. So if you’re interested and want to know more about your own saboteurs. There is a free positive psychology quiz (just a bit of fun nothing robustly scientific) you can do here.
[1] If people are interested I’m happy to publish more on that later in the week.
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