Leading Myself: A reflection on my own hypocrisy

I’ve been reflecting on a double standard in my leadership practice recently. It’s something that I know I should do better at yet. Yet, I’ve also been wondering if the very fact that I find it hard to have compassion for myself around it might be at the heart of the issue.

What is it I hear you ask?

Currently, I work as an independent consultant. Having previously held busy, high-pressure roles in schools and across a Multi Academy Trust, you’d think I’d be enjoying the new found freedom and breathing space the freelance life gives me and doing lots of self- care. I have written a book entitled Leading Mindfully for Healthy and Successful Schools after all. This book has, as its central thesis, the notion of looking after your own emotional and physical wellbeing before we stepping and serving others. As a consultant, coach, mentor and supervisor, Ispend my days encouraging leaders to take care of themselves and that recognising everyone’s emotional needs is core to their leadership. Whilst, I have made huge changes in my life. I work less hours than ever before, I had the utter privilege of taking two months off to travel in South Asia, my garden is in better shape than it’s ever been before and this morning I even tried my hand at making some very wonky and chunky pottery.However, when I’m in school, and even to some extent when I work from home, I still very quickly find myself slipping back into old pattens. These are pattens of over work, over extending myself emotionally and a nagging guilt that I’m not doing enough, that I should be more productive (be that work, writing, the garden, please don’t let me get like that with the pots).

So, in the interest of practicing what I preach, I’m going against the grain and my conditioning, which says I should be doing more and better. Instead, I’m having a go at rewiring my pathways with good old rest and compassion.

This includes recognising the compounding impact of holding others who are also holding a lot. It’s not only about the hours that you work, but the level of emotional strain that can come from being an emotional container for others that are suffering, whether that’s young people, their families, teachers or leaders. Dr Rachel Briggs writes brilliantly about the impact of Compassion Stress Injury on colleagues working in education, particularly in the realms of Inclusion and Safeguarding.

She suggests that one way we mitigate this injury is by allowing space for the impact of our work. Understanding, that our own stress is a natural consequence of exposure to other people’s suffering and this needs space and attention. This is the reason that supervisors must also be in supervision. When we deal with tough subject matter, we need an outlet, to make space for ourselves. Not least, those of us loudly banging the drum for a different way of working.

So I’m making a commitment to myself, one that I know will need regular renewal. My fabulous former boss Mike Ion posted an excellent piece the other day outlining seven practical ways that school leaders can take care of themselves and this starts with taking responsibility for our own wellbeing (something that when we worked together he always empowered me to do). So, I am committing to leverage the privilege that freelance life gives, to make plenty of space for my own feelings, let go of perfectionism and enjoy the spaces I have guilt free. With that in mind, I’m heading back to the wheel and sharing with you some pictures of my very imperfect bowls (and accepting them just as they are).